


Silhouette

by kihyunnie



Category: Monsta X (Band), No.MERCY (TV)
Genre: After No Mercy, Drama, Eventual Smut?, Eventual acceptance, I'm such a sucker for fics centered on Changkyun and No Mercy, M/M, Social Anxiety, a/b/o au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 05:20:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8274334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihyunnie/pseuds/kihyunnie
Summary: Changkyun feels like he will never be welcomed as a member of Monsta X even months after the end of No Mercy. Especially as an omega, he can't match up to the pure talent, style and confidence of Jooheon, a natural alpha. As the debut draws closer, his anxiety worsens and he almost overdoses on his heat suppressants. He runs out of his medication sooner than expected and this shakes things up.





	

Changkyun is silent. There is the sound of his team members around him as they eat during their lunch break before another day of intense choreography and vocal practice. Changkyun sits in the corner leaned against the wall while the others are seated in a circle, scarfing down their box set lunches and chattering. He quietly munches on his meal and thinks about what he has to work on as their debut as Monsta X is happening in a month and his nerves are at an all-time high. This scene is normal, where the others are animatedly talking to each other and Changkyun sits at a distance, going over his raps in his head or listening to other music in his headphones for reference. No Mercy had ended a couple months ago but the tension from when Changkyun initially came during the middle of the show had never subsided. From the start, he was always a shadow to his teammates, there but never addressed. He felt the unwelcoming gestures by the people who he was supposed to consider his second family as he knew they resented him for taking the spot of someone who deserved it like Gunhee and Seokwon.

Always in the back of his mind was the last elimination in No Mercy where he stood planted in his spot next to his potential team members. As name after name was called, he felt his ears ringing and his palms itching as his head was perpetually lowered, wishing to be called. He was struggling to keep his breathing in check and he could feel his eyes going in and out of focus. Muffled voices were all he heard, to the point where he almost missed his name being called. His feet couldn’t move properly and he could feel the ice-cold gazes of the trainees that weren’t called without even raising his head.

When the announcers called the last member to the stand and offered they consolation to those not chosen. He was elated he was chosen but extreme guilt overcame him for the other trainees who had been on the show since the beginning that he knew the others and audience wanted more to debut. Again, he couldn’t hear or feel anything as his lead-like body sagged although he knew he should be proud and stand with confidence for actually being able to debut after his previous group Nubility was never able to. However, he was so excited at the prospect of possibly debuting that he didn’t realize how much the circumstances of his entrance on the show half way through would affect his relationship with the other prospective members and his own mental well-being. As Gunhee and Seokwon said their final words Changkyun felt his head drooping lower and lower.

After they left, others expressed their bittersweet feelings of being chosen at the expense of the two eliminated and Changkyun was out of place, knowing that others didn’t believe he deserved a spot. It really hit him when Jooheon lamented, “Its… been my dream to… rap on stage together…. And #GUN’s too. I’m sorry we can’t make it come true. And I thank Seokwon for having to endure so much at a young age…” Changkyun couldn’t breathe. Unwanted. Unneeded. Undeserving. Heavy words he knew crossed the minds of the people he was supposed to be a cohesive unit with and by many in the audience. The announcer solemnly spoke, “The guys next to you are your teammates. They are your only hope of support.” Changkyun knew they wouldn’t accept him immediately but he hoped they would eventually see him as an equal. As his new teammates hugged each other in celebration, all he could do was stand and watch. With that moment replaying over and over, he felt as though he would never be in the other members favor. He resigned to keeping to himself and making sure he wouldn’t do anything wrong to aggravate his teammates even more.

However, that never worked out all the time. After being stuck in his trance of going over his rap in their debut track again and again, Jooheon calls out to him, “ Yah, Changkyun, the manager wants us to move to the studio to practice.” Hoseok mutters, “If he’s not even paying attention to what goes on around him, there’s no point in having him be there.” Changkyun is alerted out of his trance and his heart sinks as he hears the sharp words of indifference by Hoseok and merely nods and straggles behind the other members as they head to the studio. He knows that being silent and not approaching anyone makes it worse but he has tried endlessly to listen to their conversation but when he attempts to come up with a witty interjection or any way to input himself in their banter they always move on or his mind moves at a million miles per minute lapsing through different scenarios and their response to his out of character interruption that his mouth becomes dry and he heavily swallows his words back.

Changkyun always questioned why he was a part of the group as he knew he would never be on the same level as Jooheon. Jooheon exudes confidence, is extremely socialable, and is a natural leader, characteristic of an alpha. He really couldn’t see himself matching up to Jooheon who had even been acknowledged as a rapper by accomplished non-idol rappers. His inferiority was magnified by the fact that he was an omega- characteristically described as being subservient and unreliable due to their frequent heats that that if unmanaged, leave them unable to function in daily life. He kept his identity as an omega hidden by regularly taking suppressants. From what he could gather, Jooheon, Hoseok, and Hyunwoo were definitely alphas as their pheromones were too much to handle at times while Kihyun, Hyungwon, and Minhyuk were most likely betas due to their lack of scent. Hyunwoo definitely fit his status as an alpha, being the leader of Monsta X and Hoseok always in the forefront, flashing his abs and being second in line to be leader.

After their vocal and rapping practice, they make their way to the dancing studio and drill their title track’s dance. Each time, the boys are told to redo a part, when anyone makes a mistake, he hears the aggravated sighs of the others that are especially loud and drawn out when Changkyun is the source of their errors. During one of their breaks, where again Changkyun sits in the corner as the boys huddle around each other, he hears Minhyuk grumble about how much extra work they have to do because someone is not pulling their weight. They all know that Minhyuk is referencing Changkyun. Hoseok chimes in, “Yea, I guess they have nothing to worry about if they were guaranteed to debut without having to work for it.” Hoseok’s words cut like a knife and Changkyun only feels more anxious and susceptible to making mistakes as the boys continue ranting. Hyunwoo attempts to counter it as the leader to keep the morale up by saying, “We all have a part in this debut and we all make mistakes so it’s better to work through it together.” The lot mumbles words of half-hearted agreement but continue to glare at Changkyun whenever he makes the smallest of mistakes.

After a grueling day of practice, the boys piled into their van to be taken back to the dorm. As per usual, he took his seat crammed in the corner in the back, put on ear buds and willed himself to drift into slumber. Upon arriving to the dorm, none of the members had awoken him and he only opened his eyes after hearing the last slam of the car door. He slowly made his way up and resigned himself to sitting in the corner as Minhyuk and Jooheon fought over who would get to use the shower first while Hoseok and Hyungwon lounged on the sofa and Kihyun started their dinner with Hyunwoo as it was their turn tonight with pairs of people being assigned different household tasks on different days. Changkyun is entranced in mumbling new lyrics to a rap that he came up with, to the point that he doesn’t hear Hoseok talking to him as automatically Changkyun always assumed no one will speak to him outside of their group activities. Annoyed, Hoseok speaks louder, to the point of almost yelling, “Changkyun, help Kihyun and Hyunwoo with dinner if you’re not doing anything.” Alarmed, Changkyun automatically responds with, “It’s not my turn tonight though.” Hoseok narrows his eyes,” It’s ‘ Hyung, it’s not my turn tonight,’ and if you’re just gonna sit and do nothing you might as well try and contribute to something.” While none of them openly confronted him often, the times when they actually spoke to him, he could feel their disdain. Changkyun mumbles, “I’m sorry, I ‘ll go help.” Hoseok continues, “You mean, ‘Hyung, I’m sorry.’” “You’re never this pertinent about being called ,’hyung’ by the others,” Hyungwon adds. “If he showed respect I wouldn’t have to remind him,” Hoseok gruffily replies. Changkyun rapidly spews apologies of “I’m sorry, hyung,” and walks promptly to the kitchen to aid Kihyun and Hyunwoo. After this, they all fall into their same routine of eating boisterously as Changkyun keeps his head low and eats very minimally to avoid others accusing him of being a glutton and being selfish for a maknae.

As the night extends, he is the last to sleep as usual as he tries to sneakily find his hidden heat suppressants. Quietly making his way to the closet, he searches for his heat suppressants to find that his container is empty. The stress of their upcoming debut made him overdose slightly on his suppressants as he wanted to be sure it didn’t flare up during this important time before their debut. Internally he curses at himself for forgetting and makes a mental note to go in the morning to request a refill because it takes a couple days to a week to actually have it be fulfilled. For now all he can hope is that it doesn’t flare randomly as it had been controlled by the regular heat suppressants he intakes.

Anxiously, Changkyun tries to sleep knowing he has a busy schedule tomorrow because they are debuting in the next couple weeks but he feels uneasy as his stomach churns, fearing that he will have something similar to his first heat where he couldn’t leave his room for at least a week. Finally, he closes his eyes and falls into a state on unconsciousness. Discomfort, wetness, and a raging heartbeat breaks Changkyun out of his slumber as he feels the unfamiliar sensation of a soaked bed and his head is pounding. He is in a state of panic when he realizes that the his heat has started and is in full swing and he is within a closed space with another alpha, Hoseok with two others next door, Hyunwoo and Jooheon. As quickly as he could with his impaired gait due to the sheer intensity of his heat after being suppressed for so long, he lumbered down his top bunk bed and into the bathroom to get as far away from the alphas as he couldn’t leave the dorm past their curfew. In an attempt to keep his scent from reaching the alphas in the household, Changkyun dumps himself in the bathtub and cranks the knob of the shower to the coldest setting to rid him of the heat and hopefully the sweet smell he is exuding. The last thing he desired was for the others to find out he was an omega and feel even more excluded from the group dynamic.

Meanwhile, Hoseok’s senses jolted him awake as his nose alerted him to the delicious smell of a nearby omega. Hoseok is confused, as he knows for sure Minhyuk is an omega but Hyunwoo had already marked him so his smell shouldn’t be this potent anymore. As if in a trance, Hoseok walks through the house trying to pinpoint the origin of this smell when he hears the faint sound of the shower being turned on. As he nears the bathroom, the smell exponentially intensifies and Hoseok is almost unable to handle himself. He yanks at the door handle and walks inside only to be assaulted by the overwhelming sweet scent and he can barely keep his composure as he sees Changkyun laying in the bath tub in an attempt to wash his scent away.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, this is my first ever fic. I am doing this at 3am instead of homework tomorrow because I am terrible. Please critique this piece harshly so I can know what I should improve on. Also, please tell me if you would rather have smut later on or not. Have a great day! Thanks for making it all the way down here.


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